okay so i know that obsessing doesn't help. and i know that in the end (or at least so far in my life), things tend to work out okay, albeit never spectacularly. it's a kind of ritual of sorts that i promise to turn over a new leaf or expect better outcomes from the world but everything more or less equilibrates back to where it started. i don't know i'm just so frustrated and each time i have to go through this cycle it feels like more of me gets trapped in it and never comes out again.

jesus, jesus, jesus.