i am trying to work outside my comfort zone lately which is very difficult because the older i get the more i just want to be by myself all the time. i realize that one of the recurring mistakes i have made in my life has been hiding both my attributes and my weaknesses from everyone. i was painfully shy as a child, tried to get over this when i was a little older by being a showy bastard, but now that i'm even older than that, i realize that that doesn't work either, and have returned to being painfully shy in my early 20's.
life brings some lessons though: one of the few things i took away from my psychiatry rotation is that having social phobia and generalized anxiety can be a crippling way to live day to day. while sometimes it may be unavoidable, i should at least do whatever little i can to try to overcome my own anxiety when functioning in public. half the battle is accepting that i am competent at what i do and the other half is accepting that there are many things that i struggle with and need to work on.
it's a handful and there is in a way, a deadline. it is both too little and too much time to amend everything.
