Today I had dinner with my sister and we talked about anxiety dreams. This must be a familial thing. Often I wake up with vague memories--faces melting, walking into a hysterectomy only to find all the laparoscopic tools have been replaced with kitchen sponges--ridiculous scenarios that bring an old familiar sense of dread.
Lately I've been having trouble sleeping. I sip rye whiskey and wait for sleep that never comes. There is a low level of anxiety that permeates my life, shapeless and misdirected.
Good job Dr. Frustrated.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
I think I Broke OkCupid
Does anyone else use OkCupid to have long stupid one-sided internet arguments? It's like we're all ready dating but I don't even get dinner out of it. What I'm saying is I LIKE DINNER.
Example below:
Some Dude: Its tough to tell, but I think you might be one of those cool women I'm always hearing about.
Me: Sorry buddy, that's not the compliment you think it is.
Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)”
― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl
SD: That was quite a thought.
SD: And I certainly can't argue, but it was kind of 1 dimensional assuming that your definition of a cool women (sic* as in "Grammar mistakes make me...") is the same as mine. I like women who can teach me something. Do you think you're cool?
Me: No, I don't think I'm cool. That's me though, I don't bank on cool. If I've made it this far in the big bad world it's on some modicum of skill, intelligence, and prevailing weirdness that makes me a little tougher.
Admittedly, it is quite a thought and it popped up because it was in the book I was reading at the time. You're right in the respect that it is 1 dimensional. That's the point. Whether my definition of a "cool woman" is the same as yours is moot. The cool girl is a contrivance; she reflects all the things you want her to be and nothing of herself. It's a mirror to people's narcissism and lacks any true depth. Sadly, that ain't me. I'm not saying women don't do this too. For every man who wants a cool girl, there's a woman who wants a "strong and sensitive guy." What she is really saying, what all these reductive labels are saying, is "I need someone to boost my fragile ego."
So no, I'm not cool. And I'm cool with that.
Example below:
Some Dude: Its tough to tell, but I think you might be one of those cool women I'm always hearing about.
Me: Sorry buddy, that's not the compliment you think it is.
Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)”
― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl
SD: That was quite a thought.
SD: And I certainly can't argue, but it was kind of 1 dimensional assuming that your definition of a cool women (sic* as in "Grammar mistakes make me...") is the same as mine. I like women who can teach me something. Do you think you're cool?
Me: No, I don't think I'm cool. That's me though, I don't bank on cool. If I've made it this far in the big bad world it's on some modicum of skill, intelligence, and prevailing weirdness that makes me a little tougher.
Admittedly, it is quite a thought and it popped up because it was in the book I was reading at the time. You're right in the respect that it is 1 dimensional. That's the point. Whether my definition of a "cool woman" is the same as yours is moot. The cool girl is a contrivance; she reflects all the things you want her to be and nothing of herself. It's a mirror to people's narcissism and lacks any true depth. Sadly, that ain't me. I'm not saying women don't do this too. For every man who wants a cool girl, there's a woman who wants a "strong and sensitive guy." What she is really saying, what all these reductive labels are saying, is "I need someone to boost my fragile ego."
So no, I'm not cool. And I'm cool with that.
SD: I'm happy to catalyze your desire to put your thoughts on paper.
I CAN'T REPLY ANY MORE. YOU'RE A TOOL. I'M NOT CAPABLE OF TEACHING YOU NOT TO BE ONE.
YOU OWE ME DINNER.**
*Ok that was an editorial sic. Whoops.
**Please send dinner by express one day mail. Alternatively, I will accept payment towards a fancy meal of my choosing. However, at no point try to take me out. I will refuse. You are a tool.
*Ok that was an editorial sic. Whoops.
**Please send dinner by express one day mail. Alternatively, I will accept payment towards a fancy meal of my choosing. However, at no point try to take me out. I will refuse. You are a tool.
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