All Time Hits of 2012

Now that the holidays are over, I can go back to concentrating on the important things. Things like the point when everything started to derail this year. Doom and gloom matters people!

In that spirit, here is a top ten list of sorts of things people have said to me*:

10) "I'm thinking of starting a Tumblr called 'Shitty Tattoos of Dudes I've Dated.'" Ok, I've said this. I'm not sure it's fair to quote myself. But I'm the only one who has ever (unfortunately) said this...repeatedly.

9) "Have you ever been so desperately in love with someone and then had to watch it slip away from you? This isn't that but I don't see why we can't just be friends." What an awesome breakup.

8) "I've never met a girl who talks less about her feelings than you."

7) "I was feeling lonely when I started residency but I started going out and eating dinner by myself. And when I started feeling comfortable being alone I found that I had soooo many more friends and started dating more. Which was good and bad...because of GRID and all."--Some  professional advice

6) "I thought it would work but then I saw your apartment."

5) "You're very intelligent. If you were dumber, I'd be dating you."

4) "All I want for you is to find a man who will completely do what you tell him to"--my mom (A reprisal of last year's "I just want my daughter to find a man she has complete control over." I admire her consistency considering this new comment was completely unsolicited.).

3) "Did you get a PhD in fucked up relationships too?"

2) "How much do you think it would it take for you to take my virginity?"

1) "I feel like you lost a lot of respect for me after I told you I was drunk driving on acid in Baltimore."

Like a Mexican beer slogan states: "It's not the end of an era, it's the beginning of the party."

-C

 *Obviously there is some paraphrasing here because while my photographic memory is flawless, my phonographic memory has some irreparable scratches.